In reply to my teacher's email (from China). I wrote a little about my past. My dreadful relationship with my mom.

Thank you for your understanding words. I'm deeply moved. My mom has never done too many motherly loving deeds for me. When I first came here and until I moved out, I was usually the first one to get up in the morning. Cook myself breakfast and get ready to get on the bus for school. Yes I remember when I was younger in China, My parents used to make me breakfast and take me to the bus stop. It's strange to think now that all stopped after I came to the US. I don't know why. Actually I didn't feel like it was bad or anything. I did it every morning and felt ok until my dad mentioning how eating roman noodle (泡面 ) every morning isn't very healthy. But that was only the least I had to worry. In the US, high school education DOES NOT cost my parents any money. All the tuition is paid by the government. The books are RENTED from the school. My mom even applied for FREE LUNCH for me at school. They really paid nothing during my high school years. But the very few times I needed some money to go on trips for math competition, I can never get them from my parents easily. When I ask my dad, he will say why don't you ask your mom? When I ask my mom, she will say why don't you ask your dad? I felt so unwanted and unloved. A couple of times I wasn't able to get any money. I felt quite embarrassed when everyone else has money to pay for the trip. My teacher still let me go. Maybe he thought my family was poor or something. I know that was not the case. My parents were just so entangled with their own fighting; I was always put on the spot when they had disagreement which is like every other day. Then they said they were saving money for my college. But seriously I paid 80% of my tuition myself by working. My father finally gave me some financial support since I started college. My mom still didn't give me a single penny for anything. Before this semester she called and saying she wants to pay some of my tuition. Ironically (but not unexpectedly) she called just before my tuition was due saying she had to pay her house rent so she didn't have "enough" money to pay for it. I was not even surprised because there are just too many times she didn't keep her promise even if they are so small and completely voluntarily. Many times these promises control my future. Like one time, she promised to give me my birth certificate (crucial for getting my greencard) in exchange for something I held. With a greencard, I will be able to work legally in the US as a foreigner. I gave her the something she wanted but she didn't give me my birth certificate. It was so unbelievable!! I wanted to be able to work so I don't have to ask them for money any more and yet she wanted to control me. I didn't know why. Arg.. it was crazy. She also constantly called me names and told me to get out of the house whenever we fought on anything small. She has uncontrollable temper. She gets anger so easily and so often. Some of my parents' friends say those are "气头上说的话" but when she says it so often (almost everyday), you start to wonder if it's really true. One time she called me "孽子" because I wanted to make a phone call to my classmates in china which cost her money. I could not believe it. It broke my heart so bad. I cried for hours sleeping next to her THAT NIGHT while she FELL ASLEEP soundly. Can you believe that??!! A mother would sleep soundly next to her heartbroken crying daughter?! Can you believe that? The worst time was one cold snowing winter; I refused to do her homework for her. She was taking some free English classes in a church but she always asked me to do her homework assignment due to "lack of time". One time she got an assignment titled "tips of life". I didn't know what she wanted to write about. So I asked her what exactly did she want to write. She got so mad and was yelling at me angrily: "well tip of life is just to get more money!" That's probably totally true for her except of course she wouldn't want to turn in an assignment stating that. But I was mad too so I just wrote exactly what she said in that assignment. After she read it, she started throwing things at me and pointing at my nose asking me to get out of the house "滚出去". So I did. It was snowing heavily outside; I really had nowhere to go. Without a car here, you can go nowhere. I went to a nearby church and snuck into their kitchen. I saw a knife and I was contemplating killing myself. I had no hope that time. I was an excellent student and I did everything I could to be a good daughter and yet my mom acted like she wanted to disown me. I thought how could life be meaningful when your own mother denounces you like this? My fear of death finally overcame my despair. I walked out of the church when the sky turned dark. My parents were driving around looking for me. I went home and no one mentioned that incident again. But my father told me later he understood me. He apologized to me for making my life miserable because of their horrible relationship. That's why I forgave my father. My mom til this day still didn't think she did anything wrong. At least not in front of me, my dad or anyone I know did she show remorse of any harmful thing she has done to us. She can always find incredible excuses for everything she's done. Arguing with her is totally pointless and waste of time. So I gave up. I tried very hard to not care about anything she has to say or do. Although they still hurt me from time to time, I try my best to ignore her for my own sanity and mental health. I think I've had filled in much of the details I left out from last email because I feel you would understand. Thank you for your time reading this. I feel good when I know there is one more person in this world who understands me ^_^

His original email:
(Read More)

Last nite we played Bingo at andy's mom's house. She used a little dail pad to call out the numbers. She often repeated herself because she didn't write down all the numbers. We also lost track of who had won the most games because no one had written down the results. So I made up my mind to write this little software. Next time when we play the same game, it will be much more organized. ^_^



The software should work straight forwardly. To play the game, you need to provide players, Bingo cards and a person who calls out numbers. This software is written for the person who's calling out the numbers.
1. Keep hitting the "Next" button to obtain more uncalled numbers.
2. If someone has gotten a bingo, hit the "Bingo" button.
3. Check numbers the person calls back with the pad in the middle.
4. After you've entered five valid numbers, the combobox for winner's name is enabled.
5. Type in the winner's name and hit the "Add Winner" button to add the winner in the winners list.
6. Hit the "Restart" to restart the game or if you want to continue the current game, hit the "Resume" button.
7. The software will keep track of how many times each individual has won while it's running.
8. If all 75 numbers have been called, the software will automatically reset itself.

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE .NET FRAMEWORK installed on your computer to be able to run this software! (it's free but big)

click to download the software

OMG, i read this in sarah's lj.. this auction is hilarious!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3146042998

this is a fun hamatoro game
http://village.infoweb.ne.jp/~mamy/game/othello2/

your goal is to get as many your hamatoro on the board as possible. to do this, you must place your hamatoro at the end of a horizontal, vertical or diagonal line where you have your own hamatoro somewhere in the line and the other hamatoro somewhere inbetween. you can then turn everything inbetween to your hamatoro. so for example * is your hamatoro, # is the other. you have something like

***###(put yours here) it will become

*******

my daily grind titled "Dinner and a Show" starring mysterious actors is here
[img:56778]

yesterday i again got a poor score on my plc homework. again not because my solutions were incorrect but because i didn't provide all the test cases to show it's correct. the TA doesn't seem like she would test your code at all. (btw this is a different TA from the one who posted my solutions without my permission.) i wonder if she gives you a perfect score if you just make fake test cases and hand in crappy code. that will be easy to do. my code works for the test case i didn't provide but i get points knocked off anyway. 10 points for a test case. i got 30 points knocked off for missing three test cases. one on each problem. for a 90 point assignment. jeez that sounds so fair. whatever.. i've never taken a class whose grading is like this. this is freaking crazy. i certainly wasn't happy to see the score. on homeworks that don't require test cases, i do near prefect or prefect. once it's one that require test cases, i do crappy. because the homework assignment never tells you what kind of test cases you need to provide. you should just automatically know. wtf? but then i told myself not to worry so much. i'm doing well in my other three classes. i'm getting low scores in plc not because i don't understand but because of their stupid grading rules. sometimes you just have to accept that. *shurg*

LMAO.. this pc primer page is so freaking funny. i'm laughing my head off. I've never encountered Political Correctness until I came to the US. Seriously I have to say a lot of this PC business is way overdoing. I love this page. HAHAHA

http://www-personal.umd.umich.edu/~nhughes/htmldocs/pc.html

just thought it's fun to see these blogger sites flashing open. although less professional looking compared to tabulas, lj, this brand new service may give you a fresh start. what i like is it's another free service that gives you auto rss feed for your blog.

http://www.voire.org/sirus

http://www.vgln.com/ps2/previews/105055481631870.shtml

FFXI is going to be an online only game! I think it sucks. I prefer to have a personal PS2 version of the game rather than paying to play it online. I have a slow connection. That's just not fair

my tabulas is the place for me to post random thoughts, findings, emotions blah blah.. my other more "formal" blog is at pure-essence.net. i rarely post the same stuff at both places. you are welcome to check out both. you can also follow me on my twitter.and you don't have to ask for my permission to add me as your friend.

Free tabulas avatars for you - updated 9/2/2005
firefox extensions i have
My favorite freeware
TIP: how to search for music in google
TIP: how to download posted mp3 on this site

hrm i think i just figured out that the TA i've been talking about IS ACTUALLY THE SAME GIRL THAT GOES MY ADV. INFORMATION SYSTEM CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my adv. information system class only has 6 students. we see each other face to face all the time. i didn't realize it until i saw her name on the blackboard.

i don't know if she realizes that or not..... OMG... i can not believe it.

THIS IS SO FREAKY... should i point it out to her that i am in PLC.. i'm sooooooooo curious.....

andy's mom alway send me cute emails haha.. this flash carebear quiz is cute

http://www.americangreetings.com/view.pd?i=340516942&m=6815&rr=y&source=ag999

i got cheer bear

pure css tableless designs could still be restrictive :) sometimes i really need inspirations.. here are some

http://www.mezzoblue.com/zengarden/alldesigns/

drool.. unfortunately not all browers support it yet

only Mozilla/Opera/Safari now supports it

http://www.mezzoblue.com/archives/2003/10/27/mose_menus/index.php

another one

http://www.moronicbajebus.com/playground/cssplay/pop-up-menus

cross browser semi-transparency
http://www.daltonlp.com/daltonlp.cgi?item_type=1&item_id=217

i think i finally came up with something that looks ok for pe's new layout. writing the css tho is such a pain. thank god there are more code examples online now you can borrow. or i probably would shoot myself. i'm only half way there. stay tune XP. on the other hand, i should work on my blogmatch code coz the professor has finally replied to my problems. hrm... still it's really annoying using his code.. i'm new to perl and all these modules just totally confuse me... wouldn't it be cool if everything is like php? no need to import anything? HEHE..

pe new theme is up. it's called us because it features an old photo of andy and me. i think it looks alright.

i'm waiting for my popup check ($83.41) to arrive so i can have some cash for lunch money. man i'm down to one dollar in my wallet. good thing andy made spaghetti last nite so i have some leftover to eat for lunch today. popups have been covering my lunch money. a lot of times i even have leftover to save.. not bad huh? :)

anyone plan to pre-order FF X-2?

it looks good :) i think i might ... something to do over the thanksgiving break right?

i just got an email school ITC support. they plan to upgrade all the computers during winter break. i'm surprised how many of the softwares mentioned are web related. web will become an inseparable part of college curriculum.

Currently we are considering upgrades to the following software:

On Windows XP Systems

Microsoft Office XP to Microsoft Office 2003
Adobe Premiere 6.5 to Adobe Premiere Pro (7.0)
Adobe Photoshop 7.0.1 to Adobe Photoshop CS (8.0)
Adobe Illustrator 10.0 to Adobe Illustrator CS (11.0)
Adobe InDesign 2.1 to Adobe InDesign CS (3.0)
Endnote 6 to Endnote 7
Macromedia Dreamweaver MX to Dreamweaver MX 2004
Macromedia Fireworks MX to Fireworks MX 2004
Macromedia Flash MX to Flash MX 2004
Minitab 13 to Minitab 14
Nero 6.0.0.11 to Nero 6.0.0.23
Quicktime 6.0 to Quicktime 6.4
Omnipage Pro 12 to Omnipage Pro 14
SPSS 11.5 to SPSS 12.0
Symantec Norton Antivirus 7.62 to Symantec Antivirus 8.1
WSFTP Pro 7.62 to WSFTP Pro 8.0

i saw the promotion at our local subway. saying 2 regular footlong subs on sundays for $7.99

i guess i know what we are going to eat this sunday now ^_^ check if the same promotion is available at your area. it's good deal.

http://www.google.com/anitaborg/
I don't know. It sounds there will be a very remote chance for me to get it. Only one for the entire country. Jeez.. but the application sounds straight forward though.

i got this in my newsletter today. it talks about the yet to be seen language XAML (XML Application Markup Language) and the new compatible flash like graphic tool Sparkle from Longhorn's
graphics subsystem. XAML will allow you to write desktop applications using familiar Web languages like XML, CSS, and JavaScript. Microsoft's new XAML will be just like XUL except they will be using a scripting language from .NET frame (c# or vb.net).

i'm not too sure about XAML.. although it sounds very attractive to be able to write desktop programs using web language. c# and vb.net has already made desktop application making extremely convenient.. it sounds to me they just want to mix that with some web languages so they can compete with XUL. but of course all the scripting languages associated will be closed sourced. i don't like the fact XUL has yet included PHP as its potential language. php rocks dude.. it's growing fast. they have to!!

(read the editorial article)

tabulas doesn't seem to have a technical faq so i'm making my own, til i collected more, maybe i will suggest it to roy. if you have questions about tabulas, post and i will try to find the answer for you. btw be sure you've checked their documentation before you ask your questions.

how to do "read more"?

I'm going to substitute [ for ( and ) for ] in this entry.

Most of you are aware of the (break) feature in Tabulas. We've extended the functionality of the feature to include mid-entry snippets as well as your own customized tag (instead of Read More).

In this entry, I'm going to do the following:

Hello, world! (break=Do you wanna read more?)test(/break)
Note that you must surround the text with the close break tag! (/break)

how do you turn on tagboard?
go to plug-ins -> tagboard


what's my xml url for my tabulas?

your xml is originally included in your template meta source. if you view your tabulas source (assuming you didn't use a customized layout), you should see it. otherwise it's http://xml.tabulets.com/rss/your_username.rss

i've been reading a few articles consider the "new" accesskey option with html 4. it basically allows you to assign a keystroke for a certain link on your page and then you may access the link via a combination of keystrokes (altho vary according to different browsers). the point is to save mouse clicks while browsing thru a webpage. how feasible is it tho? this article is highly skeptical on its wide usage due to the problem it causes with overriding the pre-defined hot keys. my favorite part of that article is

'Disappointingly, our research discovered that all but 3 keys were previously "claimed" by one technology or the other:

* AccessKey / (slash)
* AccessKey (backslash)
* AccessKey ] (right square bracket)
'
LMAO!

another article
http://alistapart.com/articles/accesskeys/

LMAO.. these chinese blogs are extremely creative i tell you.

http://www.mydc.com.cn/blog/alai/blog.html

(what are you looking at? have you ever seen pig head?)

of course pig head has special meaning in chinese. not sure how to translate.

a MBA student presented this extremely interesting paper in class today. i had no idea amazon in 2001 lost $1.2 billion.. last year they lost $149 million. sounds like a great improvement?! but jeez.. i thought they look like a profitable company. it sounds like their huge inventory is just too much of a drag on the profit.

While other countries argued over the feasibility of maglev trains, the Chinese went and built one. The Shanghai Transrapid is the world's most advanced ground-transportation system: Floating half an inch off its guideway, it whisks passengers along at 267 miles per hour on an ultrasmooth and remarkably quiet ride. Its $1.2 billion track runs from downtown Shanghai to the Pudong International Airport, and the 19-mile trip takes all of 8 minutes. The secret to its speediness? Electromagnetic levitation (or maglev) technology. Electromagnetic force is used to make the train hover, and to provide vertical and horizontal stabilization. The frequency, intensity and direction of the electrical current in the track control the train's movement, while the power for the levitation system is supplied by the train's onboard batteries, which recharge whenever the train is moving. By putting the propulsion system in the guideway rather than onboard, the cars can be lighter, which enables the floating train to accelerate to nearly 200 mph in about 2 minutes.

--------------
i don't know exactly why other countries are arguing about its feasibility.. at least they did it. i'm proud :) YAY! next time i am going back there, i will HAVE TO ride it woohoo!

apparently, someone redid the old optical illusion.. instead of two faces, it's got 3 now. an old man's face is added. i don't think the person did a good job tho.

Find more at DNW 2Truth1Lie!

here's mine to get started :)
1. when i was 3, i fell into the bathtub when i was washing an apple.
2. i had broken my elbow three times.
3. i do not like chocolate.

(wanna know the answer?)

OMG i did this service in super speed. haha.. it's probably full of bugs.. oh well. here's the idea.

DNW 2 truth 1 lie service is intended to promote online friendship. You submit three general statements about yourself. Among them, 2 are facts about you while the other one is a lie. You post the answer to your submission on your OWN website. You then submit the EXACT url of your answer along with your other statements. After that, people browsing dnw or visiting other sites may come to your site to find out the answer of the 2 truth 1 lie you set up here. If they find the facts about you fun, maybe they will become your friends and visit your site more often. Doesn't that sound lovely? Alright if you are ready to join the fun, please follow the steps.

this morning i was despositing my check and getting some cash back from my bank. i was put on hold for what seemed to me an enormous amount of time while the only unoccupied teller was assisting two phone customers after talking to me first. i was pissed. what the heck? why are you serving phone customers by making your real customers WAIT for a looooooooooong time? maybe i'm too selfish.. i probably wouldn't enjoy being put on hold on the phone either. but at least that's what you are expected to do when you call right? you are saving all the walking, driving or whatever.. so you already have an advantage over real customers.. waiting is the only thing you have to do right? i certainly won't get as pissed waiting on the phone compared to if i were standing in front of the teller. it's strange why they make that choice.

this girl's got some cute adoptions

i thought this article about this guy whose mom found out about his blog is funny. http://www.theonion.com/3944/news3.html it sounds to me this guy is living a HORRIBLE life. jeez... of course who can trust the onion 100%.. but then it's not hard to believe this really happened to some people. will you freak out if your parents find out about your blog?! i don't think i need to worry about that since neither of my parents' english is good enough to want to read my english blog. i don't have that much of a "secret life" to be freaked out about either. the only time i was a bit uncomfortable is when andy's brother was reading my blog and then told andy that i have depression. then andy came home and wanted to take me to the doctor or something. i thought it was ridiculous. other than that.. if you are afraid of being found out, maybe you should block google's bots or be very consealing when you write haha.. coz with powerful engine like google, you never know who can find out about your blog. ^_^

for ebay fans, grab some rss from ebay
http://www.ebaygeeks.com/DesktopModules/EbayGeeks/ebay2rss.aspx

i recommend magpie php rss parser if you use php. i used that script for my tabulas feeds at pure essence.

btw do you know ebay bought paypal for $1.2 billions? haha someone made a lot of money is a very short time.

"Are you tired of your friends/parents hounding you about not having a girlfriend?? Or do you have an ex that you want to make jealous?? Then this is the auction for you! I am willing to become your "imaginary" girlfriend that you will now have proof of. I will write you one letter a week and include pictures, cards, whatever...so you can get everyone off your back because you are in a "long distance relationship." If you want, I can even send you emails and online stuff."

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2962323541&category=317

the freshly completed taipei 101 is the new tallest building in the world. it has 101 stories and is 509 meters (1,667 feet) in height.

comparison of taipei 101 and Empire State Building


"Taipei is not the only city that covets the title of host to the world’s tallest building. Shanghai is building a skyscraper that may top Taipei 101 in 2007. "

see more pictures read more about it

now i hear it being talked about everywhere.

so it's true the Japanese never truly admitted to their sin committed in Nanjing as described by this foreigner currently living in china. i first heard about it in the interview of the author of the book rape of nanking. i do want to read the rape of nanking book but i'm afraid it will be too traumatizing for me as it gave me major uncomfort when i only read a small paragraph in Jung Chang's Wild Swams about japanese brutality.

(read the passage)

http://www.you-muffin.net/serendipity/

she actually traded qbee patch with me.. how come i don't remember visiting it before? XP

is this for real? apparently so! "World Toilet Summit opens in Singapore on the 19th November 2001 with heartwarming success. ..."

from the site

• An average person visits the toilet 2500 times a year. About 6-8 times a day. You spend about 3 years of your life in the toilet.


• Poor toilet condition is a worldwide problem. More than half of the world population have no proper sanitation.


• Suppression of urination due to dirty toilets can lead to kidney and bladder diseases. In order to avoid visting public toilets, Some people refrain from drinking and suffer dehydration.


• Most toilets are designed incorrectly.


• Female takes 3 times longer than male, yet both toilet sizes are often same.


• Toilet remains as a 'taboo' as people are shy to discuss the subject.


• There are toilet associations worldwide promoting toilet education and culture.

yesterday when i read this news, i was confused and feel rather silly that Hu would bring back the dead spirit of Mao to restore people's ideology. it's clearly no use. good thing i talked to my professor today to have my own analysis of this event corrected. Hu is not doing it for bring back old ideology but only to balance the left and right wings in the chinese politics. there were discontent by leftist in china since Mao died. Mao did make some progress (building some education system, give social security) for the rural area. those were abandoned after he died. you might hear rural area people complaining about the current government since they no longer focus on their lives. altho the cities had been growing consistently for past years, rural population is still the majority of chinese population. i'm not too pleased originally for celebrating a man who sounds to me had committed more crimes in china than goodness, but i guess it might be for the good. Mao is after all the foundation of the communist party thus the foundation of the chinese government. it's not very justifiable to say he's 100% evil. altho he was critized after his death. i just hope instead doing all these superficial talk and celebration, Hu can make some real physical progress in the rural areas. my professor said there are talks about it.........

being chinese makes me anxious to see more progressive reforms altho i truly understand many of the problems in china are so deep rooted that they just can't change over night...

recommending Hungry Ghosts

this paper just sends chill to my spine. i had no idea the government is controlling the internet to this extend. all i could say is WOW.

click here to read the paper

from jenn

i know i'm pretty much screwed with FFXI

what about FFXII?




can the skirt be any shorter?

don't you think the faces of the male and female main characters are alike? maybe they are siblings.. eek.. i hope then they are not lovers *faint* i haven't done much look up on FFXII

Nov. 16 — Fast food: It’s served fast and you eat it fast, maybe too fast to notice the restaurant is a little dirty. The fact is that no one has ever done a national survey looking at the cleanliness of fast food chains — until now. Recently, we took our Dateline cameras undercover for the first-ever investigation of whether America’s top 10 fast food chains are clean and safe. How did your favorite restaurant do? NBC’s Chief Consumer Correspondent Lea Thompson reports.

read more

EVERYONE NEED TO WATCH THIS

LMAO!!



what a dis on bill gates to see his software's BLUE SCREEN on TV in front of all the people LIVE while they are trying to demonstrate their new software!

OMG this quiz gives me creeps. whoever thought of this? damn you!

serial killer or programmer?

i very much appreciate this entry by peking duck. seldom do i hear americans admit to their lack of understanding of asian matters. all the propagondas points to how oppressed the people in tibet are under the chinese government. and yet the few people who came from there i've met myself didn't strike me as detesting the chinese government and are eagerly fighting for their freedom.

i added a comment to his entry.

this post is extremely interesting. i heard very little about tibet in china. altho they always celebrated different minority groups on the new year's day. after i came the US, i started hearing all the screams about freeing tibet.. i was wondering what exactly is happening there that made such a great impression. then i realized Dalai Lama had visited the US and won the peace prize. this reminds me of US backing up Chiang Kai-shek's regime without considering how corrupted it actually was. sometimes i feel US can be too hurrily to take on the role of the world police to do a in depth research on what they are really doing. i hate many things about the chinese government but the country also has much to be proud of. the problem is too many westerns are eager to jump to the conclusion without deeply study this thousands years old civilization just because it is ran by a government that's different from theirs.

ever wonder where ice cream comes from? thanks miki for sharing.


pink poo rules!

how interesting. sometime earlier i talked about how japanese feel superior than other races. someone must have heard me and decided to show me a satire. strangely i came across this thread yesterday. made me laugh.

apparently my b2 archive hack got so famous. it's used by koreans as well LOL

http://wik.ne.kr/forum/viewtopic.php?t=910

like lele, i just realized i've been hit by the new spamming technique by pornography companies. i only found one porn site in my referrals. i wonder what you can do about this.

reconsider before you do it.

what they said about michael jackson just made me laugh

"Michael Jackson is one of the scariest looking celebrities in the world. His transformation from a cute black kid to a pale ghost like creature is legendary."

Please save me from this OMG and this

And want to see the worst?!